When I read a book, I will occasionally jot down notes of concepts or ideas that particularly strick me. This morning I grabbed my note book and started looking through it, to see what little gems where in there.
Here’s one:
There are only two questions that human beings have ever fought over, all through history. How much do you love me? And Who’s in charge?
This could certainly be applied to every level of personal, professional, and social relationship, as well as groups, causes, states, countries, etc. No matter what the size, it’s all about “who loves me,” or, in some cases, “who’s on my side” for the larger entities, and off course, “who’s in charge.”
Love and Control.
Love between two people, to bring it back to the personal level, seems obviously a must for successful long term relationships. Is it necessary to ask “how much”? If two people truly love one another, the quantity per se is irrelevant. I would think what is important here is the quality of that love. Can each love the other enough to let the other learn and grow on their own terms, to accept that person as they are, one complete human being, constantly evolving all the while sharing a common path?
True Love asks a lot, and yet asks nothing.
Love is the most incredible growing experience one could ask for. Love will challenge, stretch limits and ideas, and be ultimately rewarding beyond words. Love in and of itself is not enough… love must translate into a relationship, and that takes work and commitment.
It also takes letting go of “being right,” (i.e. control) in favor of listening, hearing, and understanding of the other’s point of view.
Staying up late the other night watching TV, there was a special on Will Smith and his wife Jada. After 10 years of marriage, their are as in love as day 1 and as committed to each other as ever. It shows every time you see them together. When ask the secret to their happiness, the answer was very simple: relationships take work and commitment.
The numbers of divorces today speak loudly to this. Often times, people fall in love and think it’s all it takes, to love each other, to make it. Falling in love is the easy part. Then the work comes and those that cannot stick to it call it quits. And the cycle repeats until that lesson is learned.
Anyway, I diverge a little. The control part took me a little to learn… and the funny thing is, it’s so easy to let it go. Letting go of any need to change or influence your partner opens up new communication and new understanding that is infinitively more rewarding. It gives new insight into that human being that you fell in love with, how they feel, think, see things, etc., and will reflect the same insight onto your own being. Taking the time to sit down and communicate for the sake of understanding, rather than proving a point, is more beneficial for both involved and is a better investment for long term benefits.
Give Love. Let Go of Control.
The simple formula for success and happiness in a nut shell.
OK, even though I meant to take a wider view of this, it came back to personal level… make of this what you wish, and I hope this still gave you something to think about.
